Desperate to be a Housewife

Yes, I did give up watching Desperate Housewives. No, I don't want their drama. But, I DO want to be a stay-at-home wife (not Mom, mind you!).

I don't know what it's been lately, but maybe since Thanksgiving, I've wanted nothing but to stay at home. I enjoy being a teacher. I adore the kids I teach. I love the opportunities given to me by the district and outside sources to learn more and more about history and geography. I like lesson planning and watching the students enjoy most of those lessons as they learn about the world around them. I think it's fun to be with other adults who enjoy middle schoolers and sharing ideas with them.

All of that is great, but my heart seems to be less and less into teaching lately. As I've evaluated the past 5 months (we've been married sooooooo long, I know), I see that I already don't like how my job affects our marriage. We both come home tired, and many days don't want to do more than sit and stare at each other. I love cooking, but most evenings I don't have the energy to make something creative and fun. Those meals have to wait for weekends. Isaac helps me so much with house chores, but that makes him even more tired, so by the time the house is dusted, mopped, vacuumed, the bathrooms are cleaned, and the kitchen is shiny, there isn't much time for us to have fun, or the energy to want to have fun. Our weekends are full of family events, teacher trainings, and time we want to set aside for friends. None of these things are bad, but they make me tired.

I want to stay at home so that the house can be taken care of during the day. I want to stay home so that Isaac doesn't have to worry about helping with anything more than yard work. I want to stay home so that I can make fabulous dinners and use my cooking talents to please him. I want to stay home so our evenings are spent doing fun things together as a couple. I want to stay home so that when all of these awesome day time volunteer opportunities our church provides arise, I can participate. I want to stay home so that our weekends are more relaxing because we won't have to worry about house chores. I want to stay home so Bailey isn't alone all day, every day. I want to stay home so that my quiet times can be done truly in quiet, without my husband at home, simply so that then in the evenings, I don't feel torn between the Lord and Isaac.

However, we can't afford for me to stop teaching...yet. I'm still paying on school loans, and while NASA is nice to Isaac, they aren't that nice. What we pay extra in rent having a house, we save in gas money because we're so close to work and church, and the cheaper apartments are farther from both of those places, so that doesn't affect much. I'd love to find a part time job in a ministry somewhere, but don't know where to start. At least part time would be a start to full time house wife while still giving us the financial boost we need at the moment. I'd love to keep children in our home the way Isaac's mom and a couple of my friends do, but then there is the issue of finding small children to watch and the question of if that still allow me the time I desire to do things at home.

All of this to say, the Lord knows the desires of my heart. Hopefully, they've been put there by Him, and not out of selfishness by me. So now, I pray and wait, and learn patience, because we all know I need lots and lots of lessons in patience.

And, if you know of ministries wanting part time help or babies who need a loving nanny, please let me know.