Hole

There's a hole in our home, and I feel it intensely if I get still for more than a few minutes.  Granted, "Laura" and "still" don't often go together in the same sentence, but I've been sick for 3 days now (doc has me on a good antibiotic, so this won't last much longer), so I've had some 'still' time.  And no, I'm not talking about Igor, though I know Isaac and Bailey are still missing their Little Blue Buddy.

We're officially financially sponsoring our sweet girl in Zambia, so our access to information about her past has grown exponentially.  We know she lost both parents about 2 years ago.  We know she doesn't know her birth date, and no one else does either.  In some ways, this knowledge could greatly help our chances of bringing her home next June, but we don't know.  My friends that work for CACZ are wonderful about sending me emails with sweet messages from my girlie, but though they bring me such joy, they serve as a reminder of how 'un-right' life is. 

 Isaac and I have no idea what the path God will lead us the next 11 and 1/2 months looks like.  We don't know if God will bring us to our girl permanently or just for a visit while we are there for a few weeks in June.  The thought of coming home with empty arms shatters me to a depth I didn't know existed, but if we don't follow our God, then we will miss out on a grand adventure of knowing Him more deeply and trusting Him more fully.  How can that ever, ever be for naught or a waste of time, money, and energy?  I know that by this time next summer, I will know my Maker's heart even more clearly than I do now because I will have trusted Him to do as He commanded, regardless of the outcome. 


In the meantime, we seek God to fill our hole as only He can, all the while praying that if there is a better family for our girl, that they come quickly so she can begin her time in a forever home, dearly and wonderfully loved and protected.